Tired, beat down, worn out.
Don’t want to burden the evaluation process on anyone else, don’t want to burden the sleep on my wife, don’t want to be in oblivion like this though.
Not even sure I know what tools to use right now. The hours of solace are fuzzy, not enough, not managing the pain.
I might be stronger, braver, wiser, more full of love and care. But when the blackness shouts, making me blurry, making the spiders scurry in my brain, caking my soul with cobwebs… When the blackness shouts and there’s no one to hear (or listen for or remember) my screams, I need this. I hurt, that’s why I have to use those tools.
Remember the beautiful:
“Just because an animal is large, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.”
— Roo, Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne