Day 346

6:30PM:

Reading some MindBodyGreen articles.  This one, “An Open Letter To Anyone With An Eating Disorder,” stuck:

2. You will get through this.

An eating disorder is not something you have to struggle with your entire life. Some days, it can feel as if you’ll never make it to the other side. I certainly felt this way. However, with lots of counseling, yoga, self-­awareness, and re­defining my beliefs, I did just that. From start to finish, it took me almost four years. For some, it takes much less time, for some, much more. Be patient with your healing process.

3. But once you struggle with an eating disorder, it’s unlikely it will leave you forever.

When talking to a chemical abuse counselor for a paper I was writing in graduate school, she explained that eating disorders are the hardest addictions as you have to eat to survive. You don’t have to drink, do drugs, shop, or gamble to survive. But you do have to eat. Several times a day. This means that even if you overcome your disorder, controlling thoughts about food may linger in the back of your mind. That’s OK.

I have a healthy relationship with food these days, but occasionally I will overanalyze my food choices, eat too much uncontrollably, or obsess about exercising. It is a normal part of who I am, and I have accepted that.”

Always in recovery, never recovered.

Never slowing down, never rusting.

I didn’t eat breakfast until 1PM today.  It happens sometimes.  Sometimes my way gets in the better of my will.

This is one day.  This is not everyday.

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