I just left the restaurant. I just barely held on. Together, the 4PM “lunch” and the 3:30PM Naturopath appointment gave me enough strength to be who I needed to be, who I want to be, who I find value in being. But just barely. If anything, I wasn’t strong enough. I am not sure if my wife actually felt better or worse after I left, because I couldn’t hold it all in, I couldn’t keep it all together. I couldn’t be her puzzle piece, having been worn away too much by the last month, worn away by the fact that I have had one day off in the last thirty-eight (and some of those on days have started at 5AM and ended much too late).
If I want to be the Don for her, for my family, I need to be strong enough to be that. Taking today’s words from the Naturopath, I need to take care of myself to take care of others.
If I want to be the Lorax who speaks for the unspeaking, the champion of equity and all things good (truth, justice and all that jazz…), I need to be strong enough to be that. I need to take care of myself to take care of others.
Part of the next phase – the next step in recovery – will allow me to do so, to be those things, to take care of others.