Sometimes I want to write it down to get it out. Not after what happened today.
Instead, I cannot write it down. If I do, it will become blackified. If I let it out now, it won’t get it out. The blackness will see my attempt to purge this gross misuse of me, grab hold of it and strangle me with it.
My mind won’t be able to rest if I do, so I need to separate myself from it, dissociate myself from the memory, for now. I’m having enough trouble staying sane as it is, my mind racing during the day and keeping me up at night. Blackness would only add to those nightmares.