I did not realize the impact it would have on me.
Between the days in a row, the weight loss (apparently), the uppers and downers of caffeine and booze, the working out to exhaustion, the mind-fuckery of working in jobs for which I had no training or help or support (thanks commercial-shooting flaky fuckers), the responsibility of being a Don…
I figured these would be the straw. I figured these would be what broke the camel’s back.
It was getting yelled at for helping, embarrassed in front of my superiors and peers. It was the cuffs. It was punching the wall and crying in the shower. It was not feeling like an apology for the embarrassment was coming, that I mattered enough for an apology. It was being blatantly overlooked as a clear support, a lack of recognition of all that I do around here. It was hugging that student, giving him juice, telling him not to be so “fucking stupid” next time.
It was yesterday. Yesterday made me feel the exhaustion of September.