Day 302

9PM:

I don’t want to seem bold, or arrogant, or martyrish.  I want to do the Don thing not for these reasons.

Hell, I don’t know that I am the new Don.  All I know is that I want to do it because I made my Mom’s life easier today.  I want to do it because we made my mother-in-law’s recovery easier.  I want to do it because I take pride in everything I put my name on, I respect myself.  I want to do it because I find value in that purpose, in helping others – finding purpose in love and care and Tz’u.

That’s why even though I’ve been up since 5AM (for the Don-ish reason of making sure that my wife’s yesterday ended well – and yes, I was partially to blame for that with the boundary-crossing and misunderstanding – which made me want to stay the night and leave in the twilight).  That’s why I ate my breakfast at 1:30PM.  That’s why I’m working 25 days in a row.

And it takes it out of me.  But hell, if I die with a smile on my face, it’s been a good life.  I would rather die with a smile on my face, acting like the best of me, than live as the worst of them, living a long and bold, arrogant and desolate life.

 

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