Day 286

4PM:

Why I am so strong through it all, or at least, why I try to be.  Why I try to be strong through her rage, her blackness-opened doors of poisonous anger, toxicity that takes away the eyes I love so dearly.  Eyes that even when taken for a split second, can make a moment into eternity.

There is motivation to be by my wife’s side through her struggle, her recovery.  This motivation was written long ago, at a time when writing was not this.  But maybe it was, because that writing was still an expression of feelings I couldn’t yet verbalize, ones that had to process.  But this first piece of writing was simply about that motivation, about that love:

“There isn’t much in this world of which I am certain.  The sun rises, the day ends, the stars shine — that’s about it … until I fell in love with her.  We came into each other’s lives and turned them upside down.  Everything I thought I knew about myself and my capacity to feel emotion were completely up-ended.  She made my entire life paradigm make no sense one minute and make total sense the next.  Tomorrow became yesterday, night became day, and time never mattered again … not when she is in my life.”

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