1. The ever-intelligent and inspirational Neghar Fonooni turned me on to this little ditty: “Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is says about [self-deprecating] thoughts: ‘A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.’ … Tell yourself something enough times and it will become true for you, no matter how far off it is from reality.”
The way that my wife feels about herself sometimes, her self-worth, her self-image, her direction, these are far off from reality. These are far off from reality because the blackness took hold of them and made her believe they were true, without inquiring. For me, the lack of stomach definition is a trigger, and may actually be a figment of my imagination. However, if I continue to believe that it defines me, that it is anywhere near as important as valuing myself or being a capable Don, then I have given it to the blackness, given these thoughts to it to be malevolently twisted into flaws. Instead, treating ourselves compassionately, telling ourselves that “our weaknesses are not the blackness’ anymore,” telling ourselves that “I value myself,” these will allow us to reclaim healthy thoughts from the blackest pits of neglect.
How many arguments between my wife and I, my parents, their parents, their (you get my drift), has been caused simply by hunger? I do not want to not understand my hunger. I do not want to be able to blame not recognizing my hunger at a 6 as the reason for a fight. It is why I ate lunch yesterday, because I need to know. Not that I need to be in control or that I shouldn’t let myself get hungry, but because I want to be a strong, loving and respectful person – none of which can happen with overwhelming hunger, not the least of which because it gives the blackness traction and a willing ear to hear its screams.
3. I like the “defining” part: