Day 271

6PM:

Additions from friends, friends I have that are aware and well-intentioned and who care:

Workout Friend said something to me on the first day of this five-day resting experiment that he cannot let himself get exhausted because of the people he has that count on him to be strong and capable, a provider and a comfort.  I wish I had that same pull, or that I had a bad enough crash to convince me I cannot do that, or that I had an experience where I didn’t have to be everything (as I said to First Department Head today, there is a certain amount that needs to get done, and until I am bolstered, it will fall on me, I will take it on).  I am too stupid to fall down.  I should have before.  I should have this month!  Hopefully, this new resting structure will allow me to be strong and capable, a provider and a comfort, with all of my ability and heart and soul, so that I will never have to test how far…

I do have the ability to grow, to learn.  Mentor Mom and Old Work Wife told me that today, that I seem better with myself.  And I am, this is a more me version of me than they have ever seen.  I am far from the Uncarved Block, but we shall get there some day.  For example, I had a Skinny Vanilla Latte today – something I have not had since going vegan.  I haven’t, even though the foam is like tasting adult marshmallows, because the soy milk they use at Starbucks is sweetened.  However, because of testing my limits last week with grandmother’s lovely (but extremely sugary) soy milk delivery, I was able to enjoy a Soy Skinny Vanilla Latte (side note: seriously that expensive!!!).  I will keep growing, keep moving along this path of recovery: I made a choice today to not do the vacuuming.  I wanted to respect that two-a-day element of resting.  I wanted instead to make food for my wife to have while I was away, so I will trust what she said, that she would do what I couldn’t.  I trusted myself to be strong enough to not do it all and I will believe in her that she will tap into the strength she has inside.  If anyone knows how strong penguins can be…

…it is one fuelled by a Soy Skinny Vanilla Latte, a 5-ish mile run and the care of friends.