Day 254

5:30AM:

In light of this spirit of kindness and self-love, here’s the current perspective/point-of-view/slant…

  • On each of the last two days, I have eaten breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner
    • Albeit, the snack is a bottle of wine (but hey, you should meet the selfish, ruthlessly cruel fucktards that I have to work with all day out here, THEN JUDGE!)
    • Albeit, dinner is a little unconventional (but who dictates that?)
  • On each of the last two days, I have woken up not famished and not bloated/full, but hungry enough to “break the fast” as it were, which is kind of the place I would like to be in the mornings – not too hungry, but not still tasting the midnight “meal”
  • On each of the last two days, I have eaten roughly two components at every meal (two at breakfast, two at lunch, one at snack and three at dinner) and respected the four out of six food groups, one of which is a healthy fat
  • On each of the last two days, I have beaten myself up at first flinch about counting portions in my head (however, I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night with visions of them, as I was experiencing on the two days before this trip that I almost fell back into counting), but reminded myself about self-love and kindness at the second flinch

This new way will allow me to be more social, will allow me to not feel hungry or bloated at any point of the day, will give my head a rest from constantly drilling calories and portions from ear to ear – there is a small reclamation of social and emotional comfort, physical comfort, psychological and mental comfort.  Not peace, not quiet, but definitely a step on the path of recovery.

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