Day 251


I will need strength this week.  Totally usurping my life and taking a risk with my recovery: I am leaving on a jet plane, to a foreign land, taking only a limited support system (I have decided that my Mom, who would be much of that support system for the week, needs my help; she is not paying attention to the fact that I need to eat, she is not pushing anything, she is not aware; I am not going to take this to mean that she cannot be, I am going to take it to mean that she needs me not to need her – it sucks, truth be told, as I was kind of hoping that I could lean on her and bring her back into the fold after my brother’s needing her more; she is tired though, she is in need of rejuvenation and I hope that she has the chance to do that here, outside of her fucked-up-world of the last five months; I am not martyring myself, I am just taking care of my Mom so she can hopefully take care of me later) and a lot of love.  The care, therefore, that will come from afar.

It worked yesterday, so maybe I can find a bit of that care in the continued wisdom revealed by Tao of Pooh.  Every day I’m away will be inspired by the words of this gentle bear:

  • About IANs: “When we make the first move, the process will begin.  And that brings us to the Tiddely-Pom Principle, which comes from a song by Pooh: ‘The more it snows (Tiddely pom), The more it goes (Tiddely pom), The more it goes (Tiddely pom) On Snowing.’  … Now the principle can work negatively or positively.  It can promote cynicism as easily as it can encourage hope.  It can build hardened criminals or courageous heroes, stupid vandals or brilliant creators.  The important thing is to make it work for yourself and for the benefit of others, or face the Ugly Consequences.  Working with the Tiddely-Pom Principle, you use respect to build Respect.  The more it snows, the more it goes” (134-135).

Living as if the world is not for you to get from, but for you to give to, that is a principle in which I can believe.  When I go away like this, I am forced to work with some really stupid people.  I am talking about people who make you wonder whether or not stupidity is contagious.  I am talking about people who would write their name on the pizza they bring into the house, but be oblivious to the fact that you cooked dinner the next night.  I am talking about people who show up late, leave early and take the wine with them.  Those people, I am happy to say, deserve IANs too.  Those people, I will call and tell that we have food in the fridge ready for them and wine in the bottle waiting for them, because it is the nice thing to do.  Those people, I will give choice of bedrooms just in case they want to shower after their swim or bike or run in the morning.  Those people, fuck that, all people, deserve IANs.  Because my hope is not that I am in a position to get a return on investment, that the karma I gain will somehow find its way back to me.  My hope is in the Tiddely-Pom Principle: that I will give respect to the universe, give IANs to the world, and respect and IANs will be built in the universe.  The universe, the people in it (yes, maybe even me), will be better for having these Intentional Acts of Niceness.  No one can be uncheered by a balloon or an IAN or feeling like someone loves and respects them, even if they are dumb enough to believe you are skiing in July.


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