Day 238

7PM:

I started the day disheartened.  My wife forgot to take her three-day window and as a result, D-Day was pushed to Sunday.  One more day to wait before the next step in recovery, the next step in reclaiming healthy.  It was unintentional, but I guess that’s what felt like the problem.  This future together will take intention – whether that be intentional love (AKA care) or intentional eating (AKA hunger).  We are on this path of recovery together, hand in hand.  As I said a couple of days ago, I will wait for her, for her to walk with me hand in hand.  It will make the victory over the blackness all that sweeter!

Nevertheless (or everthemore?) today, the universe spoke to me.  Either that, or I didn’t have my head shoved so far up my ass that I listened, I saw and I learned.

About my eating disorder and blackness (even though I’ve had this magazine since the Spring, it was read today because of the universe), having a companion in writing who has survived the ills of calorie/portion counting…

In sickness…

“”I would look over the shelves of canned goods, creating equations only a certain type of person seeks to solve.  I can have an entire cup of sauerkraut for twenty-seven calories!  But I don’t need an entire cup of sauerkraut.  I’ll have half a cup – only thirteen point five calories.  Ooh, prunes!  Prunes have fiber… One hundred plus thirteen point five calories!  That’s good, that’s good, only three hundred and eighty-six point five calories to go.”

“While eating disorders can manifest themselves in physical ways those who are afflicted may not appear [to] be.  But make no mistake – whether or not the disease fully claims the body it ravishes the psyche.  Of all the mental illnesses, eating disorders have the highest morality rate.”

“Eating disorders are diseases of the mind, brought on my a combination of genetics, personality traits and circumstance.”

In recovery…

“I had now learned enough to know that food was meant to help, not harm.  … The next day I found myself in the health food store, trying to decide what I would like to eat” [my emphasis].

“One day as I sat down to a meal I noticed the voice that had been nagging me about fat grams and calories was gone.  A sweeter voice had taken its place.  ‘Eat well,’ she said.  ‘Be strong.'”

Thank you Chickpea Magazine Spring 2014 and Holly J Coley for that support, even if you didn’t know it would be.

About my veganism…

VEGGIE HAUL DAY (we got 1 quart of Strawberries, 1 Half pint of Raspberries, 1 head of Broccoli, a bunch of carrots, a 2L baskets worth of fresh peas, a head of romaine, 1 pint of cherries, 2 tomatoes, a bunch of kale, a quart of mini salad cucumbers)!!!

About my veganism part two (ok, and my desire for a dog)…

http://www.torontolife.com/informer/random-stuff-informer/2014/07/07/reasons-to-love-toronto-2014-because-these-pound-dogs-found-new-homes/

About the regimented eating system…

@BornFitness: If a diet or nutrition plan makes eating a stressful process, then that approach is not for you. #spreadtheword #BeTheChange

And most importantly, about my marriage…

20140710_174435

 

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