Day 235

5:30PM:

What is reclaiming healthy in this stage of recovery?

Reclaiming healthy is respecting my appetite, respecting my desires…

my appetite for food;

my desires for rest, for sleep;

my appetite for movement;

my (true) desires to eat vegan, to eat healthy [AN ASIDE: vegan test yesterday — found out I ate non-vegan food accidentally and didn’t freak out about calories or fat, just thought about the dairy I had consumed — I cared more about the vegan than about the eating disorder — there is trueness there, evidence of true appetite];

my appetite for emotion and connection;

And later, my desires for sex, for sadness, for love.

We are still trying to figure out the how, the lines for this stage of recovery, but it’s about trusting the soul we have looked to find, coaxed out through the darkness and nurtured to grow.

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