Day 199


I know what yesterday’s post was: it was just the way that I think.  It is just the way that my head does business and that’s ok.  It cannot derail me, it cannot derail us.

It is the same as me knowing that when I don’t eat for long periods, I get irritable, but that’s something I can only realize when I’m around others.  It is the same as me knowing that when I am lonely, I want to be more alone, because it’s easier.  These are parts of me, perhaps parts of the ME version of me too.

They are not flaws, fixables; they are imperfections.  They are not the blackness or disorders – these are fixable flaws, those for which recovery is necessary.  These however, they are the moles on my back, redness in my face, beauty-marks that are part of me.  They are the parts of me that make me different, that make me, me.  It is ok that my head works this way, but it is not ok when it causes me the stress it did last night.  I will keep working on this, on accepting me for me.  Part of reclaiming healthy is reclaiming this acceptance, reclaiming the ability to forget about worrying about them, because they are me.

They are called beauty-marks for a reason.


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