Day 118

2:30AM:

Yes, that time is correct – 2:30AM is when I spoke the following words into my phone:

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry for when I don’t look up, for when I’m not being appreciative and grateful”

“I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t come for dinner, go out for a drink or take the food that was available”

“I’m sorry I have let the blackness and asshole-ese have voices”

“I’m sorry that I have nurtured a toxic environment – between my fatigue, my perpetuation of not sitting down, my lack of relaxation, my anxieties – that has allowed the blackness to survive”

“I’m sorry that I can’t fix it right away and that there might always be this in pieces, little drops of its blood in my veins”

I am not sure to whom I was apologizing – it could have been my wife, my family, my friends.  It could have also been to me.

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