Day 113


Why can’t I trust myself?

I had the musing yesterday that I can trust my wife after all the dishonesty because of my love for her.  Because of the faith that I have in our love, I can take the leap and trust her with my heart, my recovery, me.

I can’t seem to trust myself with making decisions though, or at the very least, it takes me a lot more effort to take that leap.  Eating or not eating the result of hunger mechanisms?  Working out and running because I want to?  Drinking to enjoy or cope?

This is the centre of “serenity, courage, wisdom” – having the strength to fight through the uncertainty, respect my limits and ability to know what I cannot do, and the love to make decisions that (although uncertain) are not right or wrong, but just us.

Does anyone else feel this way?  Do other people have that voice in their head that makes them question the motives of their decisions, even those about themselves?  This is more an exploration of the uncertainty; it is definitely not a willingness to fall victim to it.


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