Day 95

6PM:

We were talking about adopting a dog this weekend.  It’s adoption weekend at PetSmart (yes, it is Valentine’s/Family Day weekend and they say not to adopt pets for gifts – as it often leads to returns – but yet, they still schedule it for this weekend) and we’ve been waiting for the opportunity.  My brother’s mental health episode kind of derailed those plans (if you can call them that), but I’m not sure that’s the only reason.  Our readiness is in question…

Puppies lead to children, and children lead to…

My wife is worried about having mental health issues in the family, that bringing kids into our genetic lives is a big risk.  Perhaps it is a big risk, to gamble with my family’s history of assorted mental health issues (addiction, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse – not the type of chicklet-assorted-selection people are used to) and her own blackness-related issues (the cheating last year being one of them).  That isn’t going to stop us.  We aren’t ready right now, aren’t even close.

I know that we will never be 100% ready.  I know that our lives will never be perfect enough or quiet enough or stable enough or easy enough to be 100% ready.  But we would rather fail together (or in this case, struggle together) than do it alone.  When the time comes (assuming it is all up to us, since condoms and birth control pills aren’t perfect), we will be closer to ready than we are, we might be at 80% and we’ll be uncertain and we’ll be scared and we’ll be anxious and we’ll have doubt and we’ll have fears and we’ll be without complete trust in ourselves and we’ll be together.

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