Day 94


Days like today, that are so very hard given that my brother got carried into the hospital by police (yes, my parents or rather, my mother, called the police this morning – a note on that, I firmly, whole-heartedly believe that what happened between Mom and I last year, me telling her how much it hurt for her to not be strong for me, to not fight for me, that I was the mistake that allowed her to have the strength to fight Dad’s decision to give my brother money yesterday – I am so very proud of her) and that my wife and I are so exhausted by this, by work, by everything, that I will focus instead on appreciation and gratitude:

I am grateful that I do not have to withdraw my affection, support and care for the “greater good” of my parents hitting rock-bottom.

I appreciate that my wife brought food that I would love to my parents’ house, so that I could have something to fill my soul as well as my stomach.

I am grateful for Married Restaurant Friends who (after hearing yesterday what I had to do) gave me the birthday card today that my un-birthday usurped, but gave it at the right time, with the right message of finding family in them.

I appreciate my grandfather (with whom yesterday, I shared my concerns) who was intellectually and emotionally there for me when I needed him to be.

I am grateful that I have three Work Friends (Old Boss, Work Friend and Workout Friend) who I could tell that my brother got into the hospital, that there are three people I can now count on in a place that I find so cold sometimes.

I appreciate Crux Restaurant Friend for calling to check on me yesterday, after me telling him to let my brother get arrested if he did something stupid in the bar he was at the day before.

I am grateful that Family Friend stepped up for them (again, I feel like her fuck-up on me was a step), by giving my parents support and counsel in the last two weeks, during the episodes of greatest acuteness.

I appreciate my mother for finding the strength to fight my father’s decision after thirty-eight years together.

I am grateful that my parents will have a few days to rest before we have to deal with this again.


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