Day 63


When I went off the sleeping meds, I said it was because I wanted to see what was left.  I wanted to be off the pills to see what was pill-induced and what was me-induced, of the long list of aforementioned shit.  I am starting to realize that one of the “aforementioned shit” is that I do not find shining lights in my job right now.

Today I realized (only after I said it out loud – thanks not being in touch with my emotions!) that a lot of work had been put in at the beginning of the year into a plan that got dropped by the bosses at the drop of a hat.  Without cognizance of consequence for the people involved, the human hours, the politics or the grief, the plan was dropped without much justification (and not “much justification” like “need to know” but “much justification” like the people involved didn’t factor into the big math equation).  The grayness I feel here is because no matter how hard I try to find my cracks, my people and my things, that overall the people suck, the atmosphere sucks, the lack of safety and security sucks…

…but hey, this has fucking nothing to do with food!!!!


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