Day 56

1PM:

First sex date today!  I want this to be something that takes hold of me, that I can absorb into who I am and make those neural pathways return to me.  I thought that it might feel forced, but I am really looking forward to it, as if I just needed to be reminded of it.  For instance, I dreamt about sex last night; not for long, but long enough for me to remember my wife and I making love in my dreams.  My head, for whatever reason (control of some emotions = control of all emotions; anxiety build-up; pills and fatigue and food…) cancelled out much of my sex drive.  But like the t-shirt that I kept at the bottom of the pile for too long, it seems that when I pull this one out (AKA my head out of my ass, being told to “look up”), I will remember how much comfort it provides, how good it feels, how the release connects us and shows us everything amazing between us includes the physical and sexual.  Even the conversations about sex will start again, increasing the communication level around it, the comfort level around it and the build-up around it.  I can’t wait until we are looking forward to this day and to the point that we don’t need them, but want to keep them around.  Sex dates forever?

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