Day 41

11PM:

Just a recap of some of today’s thoughts:

My wife is amazing and gung ho, on board with the self-therapy/acceptance piece of this.  There is part of me that wants to be sure that she will always be holding the flashlight, that I won’t just be put down, but I don’t think I can have that security – not with the way that my head works and not with the things that have happened over the last year and a half.  It will just have to be proven with time and love.

Some people are worth suffering for – some people are also worth asking to suffer with and for me.  Christmas was good in showing who those people would/could be.  I have had “nice, but not caring” at work, at home and now with family.  Some people fall into this category naturally – self-indulgent wiener cousins and assorted relatives – but others surprised me.  I have had that response from people who should be the closest to me and the time for it is gone.  I deserve genuine emotion and overt acts of kindness, not just sentimental words (yeah, that’s you Family Friend).  You claim to be on the boat; well, it’s time to paddle.

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