So today, I went to a new social worker/psychologist/fix-me-upper, someone else to look at my rusted, broken down parts and find why I’m making that clanking noise. Same introductions, same initial appointment, not really much to report. A different spin on the blackness perhaps? Possibly someone else to share their tips, strategies and insights? He seems like he’s different, no bullshit, but who can really tell in one hour? Based on some initial thoughts, he isn’t seeing this in the same light as anyone else before (spoke about emotional vulnerability and awareness). It’s ok that Day 0 wasn’t the last time, because he understands that there is a blackness there. Maybe that’s a start.
Either that, or I’ve just gotten better at explaining my special brand of fucked up. It’s been a long time, lot of appointments, shit-ton of “breakthroughs” and “hopeful meetings” – maybe I’m just an expert in describing my clanking noise.