Day 16

9PM:

Fuck this…

Fuck this lack of knowing.

Fuck this lack of remembering how to live, love and lose myself in the moment.

Fuck this lack of serenity to accept the unchangeable.

Fuck this lack of courage to be wrong.

Fuck this lack of understanding and wisdom to know the difference between what is normal and what needs to be.

Fuck this blackness in my gut that mutes my emotions and heightens my anxieties and angers and fears.

Fuck this thing inside me, my own unique cocktail of crazy.

Fuck this exhausting cycle of self-deprecating humour, delusional victories and hateful selfish rage.

Not fuck my life, because that tries to separate this from what is real = fuck me; that’s what’s real…

Fuck me.

Fuck me

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